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Why Groupon Sucks Balls

August 31, 2011

Groupon: Everyone’s talking about it. With it’s tempting, at first sight value-for-money and sometimes downright outlandish deals, very few of us can resist having a little dabble now and then.

I may have been unlucky or chosen the wrong deals but somehow 99% of the time I’ve been pretty damn disappointed. Take my first experience, for example. It was coming up to Christmas and I was looking for a nice way to treat me and my 2 closest mummy-friends . Then I saw it: Manicure or Pedicure- 12 EUR. Don’t mind if I do!

I call to make an appointment. None until April (this is Christmas!) and since coordinating appointments with my friends was going to take the precision planning of a small military operation, I handed over the Groupons to my friends and made myself an appointment for June.

So I make my way to the salon, looking forward to my pedicure and reflexology massage. First impressions, ok, though the place does have the look of a brothel (not that I’ve ever seen a brothel first hand). I’m led to a comfy chair, settle in to read my book and the treatment begins with my feet being washed a la Jesus and Mary Magdalene (little biblical reference there for you). Except, unlike in the bible story, my ‘therapist’ pours scalding water over my feet, causing me to shriek “HEISS! HEISS!” She did apologise for giving me 2nd degree burns (ok, that was an exaggeration) but that’s not the point, is it? She didn’t even varnish my nails in compensation and the reflexology massage was a half-hearted footrub. Jesus would’ve been well disappointed…

My next experience with Groupon, I order washing powder. Which 4 weeks later has yet to arrive. A restaurant voucher: I end up going to the wrong restaurant (which was my own stupid fault but a disappointment all the same). I’m almost afraid to use the cinema vouchers!

So Groupon, not the catch-free free-for-all it’s cracked up to be really…

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