Idiots on a Mutherf*ckin Plane

One of the many things that irks me is ‘people on the move’. Get a person standing still and he’s a very nice man, get that same person in a car, on the train, on a plane and he becomes a complete and utter asshat*

Human Beings travel A LOT compared to even 50 years ago. Our Global Village means that there are few places that are unreachable and in particular, budget airlines have heralded a new age of travel. This basically means that almost any w*nker can jump on a plane and get his ham and eggs in Mallorca/Mumbai/somewhere else beginning with ‘M’ or any other letter of the alphabet for that matter.

There’s nothing like loud, leary tourists in the airport bar at 6.30 in the morning, drinking themselves into a stupor before getting onto the cattle cart that is an Easyjet plane, molesting the perma-tanned airhostesses with matching orange uniform and entertaining the other passengers with loud renditions of “Who ate all the pies”…

Worse still could be the self important *ssholes that are business travellers. Turn off ALL electronic devices- that includes your Blackberry/iPhone, f*ckwit and just because you’re wearing a rip off Armani suit doesn’t make you an exception to that rule, nor does it entitle you to recline your seat into my personal space, cutting off the circulation in my lower leg. There is no business class on Easyjet? Oh yes, and while you’re at it, why don’t you unfasten your seatbelt, stand up, open the overhead lockers because YOUR 9am meeting in central London is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than mine? The chorus of seatbelts being unfastened before the fasten seatbelts sign is switched off makes my blood boil: Hey d*ckwads, didn’t you know they have to attach some kind of exit to the plane to allow passengers to disembark or were you planning on using the emergency slides there to get to your EMERGENCY MEETING?

What happened to obeying instructions, given by someone who blatantly knows better than you; respecting your fellow wo/man? Do the basic rules of the society in which we live get left on the tarmac at takeoff?

*credited to joonzmoon, the only person I know with such a colourful repertoire of expletives